How to Piss Off Your Neighbours

Issue 47 offered some great tips for building a trail in Cuttin’ & Ridin’. If you own several acres and read questionable dirt-bike content, chances are you have also considered building a track in your yard. Before building your own mini-Erzberg, there are a few things you should consider:

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Line of sight: Make sure any neighbors have a good view of as many features of your track as possible. If you have several acres, chances are they’re scenic. What better way to improve the scenery than several berms, stacked log obstacles, or better yet, mud pits. Cutting trees and removing vegetation can aid the natural formation of a mud pit and increase resale value, should you choose to upgrade to a different training compound later on.

Time of day: Most people work regular hours, so you’ll need to work early in the morning or late at night for them to be able to observe. This is especially true if you plan to use machinery like chainsaws, tractors, etc.

Time of day: See above. Time of day is even more important when it comes to riding. You’re more likely to have an audience once your neighbors get home from their jobs. Some studies have also shown that the exhaust note from internal combustion engines can be a suitable replacement for alarm clocks, so don’t overlook the “pre-dawn rip.”

Sky’s the limit: Your bike has a rev limiter for a reason. Make sure you bounce the engine off the rev limiter as often as possible. This helps announce to the neighborhood that you are riding, in case they want to come spectate.

Saving lives: Conventional Gumby wisdom has held that while 2-strokes seem louder for the rider, they may be quieter for those in the distance. This is easily remedied by an aftermarket race pipe, or better yet …

Bike mods: A simple screwdriver up the tailpipe can often increase flow (consult a trusted physician). If not, further backyard engineering may be required. Typically, baffles can be removed or modified with a few screws or bolts. An added bonus is that removing the baffle often removes the spark arrestor as well, meaning that your after-ride campfire will already be blazing by the time you’re ready to hang up your helmet for the night.

Mixin’ gas: If you ride a 2-stroke engine, richen up your premix ratio. The sight and smell of 2-stroke exhaust help season the freshly exposed soil on your new track. If you ride a 4-stroke, you can add a bit of premix straight to the tank for similar effect.

Three’s a crowd: Just you riding on your track is all well and good, but it will get burned in faster if you invite the entire gang over. Additional riders increase the wear on the track, which in this case helps establish the trail. If possible, consider hosting an Enduro or Hare Scramble at your state-of-the-art facility.

Ideally, you’ll be able to clean off your bike with a pressure washer at a higher elevation than your neighbors. This way, any muddy, oily runoff will make its way into your neighbors’ yards and flower gardens. Don’t fret if you don’t have the uphill advantage. Remember, everyone is downstream from someone. Even if you can’t impact the groundwater quality of the immediately adjacent properties, someone else will surely enjoy the fruits of your labor.