Broke or Flush

Broke or Flush
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You know how this goes, you are about to read a balanced article about how there are pros and cons on both sides and ultimately it comes down to a personal preference as to what works for you as a individual with your own set of unique proclivities, including that weird thing you do with that inanimate object we won’t mention.  

I call bullshit!

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OF COURSE its better to have lots of money.  Even for Adventure riding.  

So, before you skinflints get out pen and paper to write a protest letter, let me ask you, is that a ballpoint pen you are using or a quill you fashioned for the purpose?  Maybe you were about to write an e-mail?  Computers are a thing too.  Bit costlier than a chook arse feather though.

But motorcycles are different right?  

I still call bullshit!

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I dare you to take off the luxury items from your bike.  Start with removing your grips and all the padding from your seat.  You don’t need them.  If you were broke, you couldn’t afford them anyway.  

Now go for a nice long ride.  How was your adventure riding experience?  Did you enjoy a day with sore wrists and a red raw bum?  If the answer is ‘Yes’, then my apologies, I didn’t realise you were a private school teacher from England.  As you were.

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Everyone I know wants more money.  You don’t have to spend it on your bike or ADV experience, but if you had it, you would.

‘But ADV is about skill, man and machine versus mountain, not some amazing electronic trickery helping you out or an expensive coffee maker the next day!’ I hear you say.

Ever had a coffee headache from detoxing?  They aren’t pleasant.  

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What you really, really mean when you say these things, is that your ADV is about talking crap at the bar (or campsite, if you must) about how, even though you are poor, you were a hero.  Ever notice how the challenges you overcame keep growing every time you retell them? 

Let’s face it, what you probably did was just push your bike through a muddy puddle.  If that is the glory of ADV for you, and that makes you a legendary figure just awaiting a Marvel film in your honour, then when I win Powerball, I have absolutely no problem having you jump out of my luxury support vehicle and push my bike whenever I come to a muddy puddle.   I’ll pay you well.  

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You can even ride along with me.  When I get a flat tyre, my crew will fix it, while I recline on a chaise lounge being fanned by bikini clad femme fatales.  When you get a flat tyre, you will use your skill and wily wit … while sweating like a pig.  If I get lost, or hurt, I’ll use my expensive technology to get help.  You won’t.  If my bike won’t start, I’ll use my expensive battery charger.  You can do … whatever it is you do in that situation. 

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At the end of the day, while you sit on the sodden earth, telling your mates about your ‘adventure’, I will eat Lobster, drink fine red wine, have my aching muscles massaged by nymphs and trust me, have very much enjoyed my ADV experience.  Later, I will go to bed in my tent, that was erected by someone else, and sleep on a thick mattress under a downy doona, while you shiver and fight off mosquitos. 

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Oh, and the next morning, my Italian barista will make me a Kopi luwak cappuccino, even if I have to pay for a 180km extension cord to a power outlet.  

And if we meet in a pub a week later, guess what, I’ll be able to make up delusional stories just as good as yours.  The only difference is, when I tell a joke, my entourage will laugh.

Tell me again how good it is being broke?

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Handsome, talented and lithe. Boz is none of these things.